I remember the first time someone said to me, “Look at you, sitting there Holding Space for all these beautiful people!” I was all at once flattered and totally confused. I had heard this term a few times before and had wondered what it meant. I wanted to know what Holding Space really was. Most of all, at this moment, I wanted to know what I was doing but was totally unaware of.
Yay Me! I was Holding Space!??? But really, what was I doing?
I had looked into this before. I had asked people and I had googled it but nothing that I heard or read had fully answered my question, in fact it became more and more vague with each search. So I went on a kind of quest. In my mind and memory I went back to that very moment that I heard those words, “Look at you, sitting there holding space…” I put myself back in that place and thought about what was happening, who was doing the talking, what she was talking about, what other’s were learning, and especially my own role. How was I feeling and what exactly was I doing.
I learned more studying my own behavior than I could on line. Note to self: always check in with yourself to ask questions first. Mind you, this was not easy. It took complete honesty. I had to begin with my own state of confusion. I had to drop all aspects of ego too, ie: I was flattered by her words. So I dug into who I know myself to be and what my genuine self is and was reflecting at that moment.
I realized first that as the facilitator for this particular event I was most concerned with what everyone else was receiving and experiencing that night. This proved to be the biggest part of learning how to Hold Space. It’s not about me, oh no… not even a little bit! It’s all about the person or people or even the situation that you are holding space for!
Equally as important is dismissing all judgement. Judgement muddies the waters real fast. If you’re holding space, that space must be completely clear of self. When you judge, you are inputting your own self. Whether it is to quietly say to yourself: “this is how I would do it,” or “this scares me,” or “I’ve never heard of this, I’m interested in it too” or the many other parts of yourself that you could insert here. NO, absolutely no part of yourself can be put into space that you hold for another person’s processing.
Is it starting to come together for you now?
Remember that you, as an observer, only know so much about any situation. Hell, those that are experiencing it only know their own part. So holding space is all about you wanting the best possible outcome for all involved, no matter what that outcome turns out to be. This is why it’s so important to remove yourself, your ego and your emotions, from what you’re about to do: Hold Space for them.
In your minds eye, see the people and the situation itself as equal energies. Wrap each one in equal amounts of love. Just love. Stand back and wait. Patience is also a factor in Holding Space. You cannot rush the outcome that is meant for the Highest & Best. These things take time. Sometimes it’s just the span of one conversation, sometimes it may take a few years. You must be patient.
*Take yourself out of it. *Be patient. *Wrap each party up in love. *Be completely out of the picture.
*Release your ego.