It was pointed out to me recently by a wise and intuitive healer that I was storing childhood patterns of behavior, and that they continued to influence my present life. As a child of depression-era parents, I was taught never to waste ANY food. If it was on my plate (no matter who put it there) it was my responsibility, my duty to finish it regardless of how I felt. The healer pointed out to me that as a result I had learned to not only ignore my feelings of satiety, I had also learned to distrust my internal awareness of what was right for me and look to an outside source for that guidance. I should also mention that like many others in my generation, proper behavior was considered that which in no way made another person feel uncomfortable, left out or could possibly create hurt feelings- oh and adults were ALWAYS right and never to be questioned. For reasons still unclear to me, no one was ever concerned about how that proper behavior made me feel. I’m not saying that the feelings of others aren’t important, just that there are two sides to the issue. I believe you can see how that ties in to learning to distrust my internal signals of what would best serve me.
So here I am turning 50 and I realized with the help of this wonderful healer that my automatic setting, my default you could say, is to consider others before I consider myself. To be more worried about being wasteful than whether those extra few bites are really good for me. To first think about hurting someone’s feelings when deciding who to spend time with. So my lesson is to reclaim my personal power, to switch my default setting and place the initial internal query on my feelings then to trust my inner guide. Then, with a clear sense of what is best for me, to move forward in honesty and grace with those around me and trust that they will respect my choices. Perhaps it will be encouragement for others to respectfully claim their personal power as well.
Thank you Ed Schaeffer for your valuable insight and the healing you brought about.
Wishing you all Light and Love,